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The Story "Three years after his wife and daughter were murdered by the druglord Torrez (Steven Seagal), the deadly Mexican Federale known as Machete (Danny Trejo) is working as a day laborer when he's hired to assassinate the racist Texas Senator McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) in a plot to take down the network of illegal immigrants by the mysterious Shé. With the help of an immigration agent (Jessica Alba), a cook named Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), his preacher friend Padre (Cheech Marin) and a socialite named April (Lindsay Lohan), Machete must get to the bottom of the Senator's plan to put up a fence separating the United States and Mexico." — Edward Douglas, ComingSoon.NetMachete Himself "Danny Trejo plays the long-haired, craggy-faced titular Machete with a combination of swift ferocity and baleful kindliness. And the ladies love it. ... Trejo invests his character with an engaging blend of swagger, gravity and terse humor. When Alba's INS agent instructs him to contact her, he snarls, 'Machete don't text.' It's an instant catchphrase." — Claudia Puig, USA Today
The Supporting Players "Other bits that get a giggle are the casting of action-icon Steven Seagal as a Mexican drug lord and Robert De Niro as a murderously xenophobic U.S. senator whose abortive assassination Machete is framed for, setting the bloody, ridiculous plot in motion. You read that right. The Academy Award winner — De Niro, not Seagal — tears into the part of Texas Sen. John McLaughlin with all the relish and finesse of a starving man given a burrito. He has great, messy fun playing a corrupt politician whose aide (Jeff Fahey) arranges for him to be shot at in order to stir up anti-Mexican sentiment, and get him reelected. So, for that matter, does Cheech Marin as a foul-mouthed, gun-toting priest. He's Machete's brother. What did you expect? But just wait until you see Lindsay Lohan. Playing a campier, trampier version of herself — or at least her tabloid image — she at one point gets to dress up as a nun and shoot people. Don't ask. It's complicated (not to mention fairly random). For much of the rest of her 'performance,' she's naked." — Michael O'Sullivan, The Washington Post
At the club, the Situation found a girl with a blurry face. And you know what that means.
"The Situation's spending a lot of time with this girl that has all the clues that lead me to believe she's a man," said Pauly. "She was wearing something to hide that Adam's apple, she had something on her hands. So we think the Situation mighta got himself into a situation with a tranny out here."
The rest of the kids seemed to agree, as they all recited their Miami mantra: "If you have to think about it ... it is."
Raekwon also announced on Twitter that fans may be getting a taste of the flick very soon. "Believe it or not hopefully this week and nyc we will be shooting a trailer for the movie C.R.E.A.M so lookout for it!" the Wu MC tweeted on Friday.
The Immobilarity lyricist said he's been looking to kick off the project for a minute and believes the time has come to make the film happen.
"This is something I've been wanting to do for a long time, even when we was making [the 2009 release] Cuban Linx II, I was already making it my business to obligate time to that, to putting the script together. It's where it needs to be right now," Rae said. "I'm just trying to be a machine. A roller coaster machine, man."